The Day the Universe Burped: A Fangirl's Romp
by Ehren Hatten
Summary: The universe has burped and vomited out a sea of Sailor Sues. Usagi is pregnant and can't fight, the generals are back and the scouts have a heavy job ahead of them, but what's that crazy blonde girl named Nibiru doing? Finished!
1. Act I

_**A/N: I have pure crack in my head, all thanks to looking stuff up on Nibiru and playing with a Sailor Moon doll maker. After all, it's a planet too, right? XD**_

_**Thank Alexiel for the first title XD**_

_**The Day the Universe Burped:**_

_**A Sailor Moon Fangirl's romp**_

_Act I_

Usagi and Mamoru were happy being married and getting ready to have a baby, Little Usagi. It was happy in Tokyo, Japan, and no more evil would bother them in their new happy world. Sailor Moon had defeated it! Of course no evil could be left!

Tell that to the powers that be.

No, I'm sorry, they put you on hold. Please leave a message after the beep.

Mamoru watched as the universe opened up and spat out a chewed up and wet youma that left a bad taste in its gaping maw. Once it burped down the rest of the youma, the universe once more flattened out and left the other youma on the ground all wet and ugly from the beating it received at the hands of the universe. "I HATE YOU TOO, YOU RUDDY BASTARD!" cried the youma and shook his fist at the sky.

"Er, aren't you supposed to not exist anymore?" asked Mamoru.

"Shut up! It's not my fault! Blame the writer!" cried the youma before it ran away for its mama.

Mamoru and Usagi looked to each other and clung to one another. "Oh Mamo-chan! Something is really wrong here!"

"Yeah, the sky just opened up like a mouth spat that freak out. I mean, what's up with that!" said Mamoru as he ruffled his black hair.

"That's not what I meant! I mean, that was a youma! There's supposed to be peace in our kingdom because of the Imperium Silver Crystal!" cried Usagi.

"It ain't our kingdom, yo," said Mamoru, momentarily donning a backwards baseball cap and crappy, baggy clothing and lots of gold chains.

"Mamoru! The universe is affecting you now, too!!" cried Usagi once more in fright.

Mamoru tossed the clothing off and posed in a loincloth to show off his manly body because he screamed at the sky to stop it. A great hand shot out of the sky and slapped him with new clothes, this time far more covering, and knocked him right out into the ocean. Usagi gasped and grabbed a fishing pole and cast the line out to sea to catch her beloved on a hook. The line went stiff and Mamoru jumped out of the sea like a fish as Usagi pulled him out of the water and held him up for a man to take a picture of.

"I'll stuff him and mount him and then he'll forever be the biggest catch I've ever had!" said Usagi happily.

Mamoru smacked Usagi over the head with his hand and spat out the line in his mouth. Usagi cried a bit that Mamoru hurt her, but recovered quickly as they both looked up to see the sky once more turning dark and opening up with a great burp.

"We have to inform the scouts!" cried Usagi.

"Stop that crying! I can't think with you sobbing all the time like that!" shouted Mamoru.

"I'm not always crying! I'm exclaiming fitfully! There's a difference! If you want to bitch, bitch at the writer!" said Usagi as she pulled out a two-by-four and wrote idiot across it, smacking him forcefully with it.

"Gah!" cried Mamoru.

"Now who's crying!"

"It's exclaiming fitfully!" shouted Mamoru. "Forget this! We need to get out of here before that whatever it is pukes on us!" Then, Mamoru grabbed Usagi's hand and hauled her away as quickly as possible.

Indeed, the universe did puke. It puked out an uncountable number of sailor scouts in a wide variety of colors and species. They tumbled over the streets, causing the already crowded Tokyo streets to overflow. A great tsunami of scouts crashed right into Tokyo tower and bent it in half, forever making it look like an impotent phallic symbol for all to view. That is, in the future, until someone put out an ad for Tower Viagra and righted not only Tokyo tower, but the leaning tower of Pisa.

The former scouts gathered at Rei's temple and stared at the mess before them on Ami's computer screen. The former Sailor Venus eyed it and rubbed her face. "What the hell are these things? I feel like the universe just crapped on us as if we're a great big toilet!"

Ami smiled sheepishly and attempted to get better looks at the problem at hand on her screen. "I can't make out what is happening. It really does look as though the sky is vomiting all those other scouts."

"Luna, just how many sailor scouts are there out there?" asked Makoto.

"Hundreds," said Luna.

"Thousands," said Artemis.

"There's no telling how many scouts there are out there. Scouts are a dime a dozen in the multiverse and they're all protecting their own royalty," said Luna.

Usagi mumbled as she rubbed her belly, the baby kicking against her hand. "I can't fight, can I?"

"No!" cried the rest of the scouts.

Mamoru smacked them with the idiot board. "No crying around here!"

"It's called exclaiming fitfully, you rotten bastard!" shouted the scouts.

The ground rumbled as the sea of scouts moved toward the temple. Mamoru gripped Usagi to him as the scouts moved out in front of them. The sea of scouts crashed right into them and swept them out past Tokyo until the sea died down and left them stranded out on the outskirts of the city, ebbing away back into the city.

Mamoru held Usagi close to him as he opened his eyed and looked round. The former scouts were all right and so was Usagi. "What the hell is going on?" said Mamoru.

Just then, the scouts that were left by the sea of scouts started getting to their feet like a bunch of zombies. One stepped up and struck a pose, wearing a blue sailor scout uniform with blonde hair. She looked a lot like Sailor Uranus.

"Who are you?" said Minako Aino as she moved out in front of the former scouts.

"I am Sailor Utopia! I come from the Anti-Kingdom!! My mother is Queen Dementia and I will punish you in the name of the anti-moon kingdom!" cried the sailor soldier.

"No! I will defeat them, the imposters!" cried another. "I am Sailor Lunaris! I am the Moon Priestess! In the name of the moon I'll punish you!" This one had long purple hair in the same configuration as Luna's humanoid form, a pair of buns on the top of her head and the rest of the hair falling down. Her scout uniform was a gothic Lolita garb of purple and blue and black.

The planetary scouts decided that perhaps this was a good time to find a quick exit so they ran as fast as they could in the opposite direction while the new scouts fought over one another. Mamoru even took to picking up Usagi and ran with her in his arms. The new scouts closed in on them quickly and circled them all.

"Just who are you all and why are you after us!" shouted Mamoru.

Like a great big hive of bees, they each screamed as one, "We are the Sailor Sues! We've come to take over your homeworld because ours has become too crowded!"

The former scouts looked to one another and nodded. To protect their princess and prince, to protect their future king and queen, they would have to take up their old skirts and dive right back into those ridiculous, sexist sailor uniforms once more. After all, what normal woman now-a-days wears such a revealing piece of clothing when it serves no function at all but to cater to men's desires everywhere?

They changed from their normal selves to their sailor scout selves and pulled out their respective weapons, well not all, since not all had physical weapons so to speak. Mamoru pulled Usagi close to him once more as the guardian scouts surrounded them in a circle against the hordes of Sailor Sues threatening them.

With each strike of each respective power that the scouts had, dozens of Sailor Sues disappeared, only have dozens more replace the fallen ones. It all seemed so hopeless! The Sailor Sue horde closed in on them harder and harder until it seemed likely that they would be overcome by the zombie like hive of Sailor Sues.

A flash went off and four men appeared from four stones. Kunzite, Zoicite, Nephrite and Jadeite all appeared in front of the scouts, pulling out their own weapons from no where. Mamoru blinked at his old generals. "I thought you guys were dead!" said Mamoru.

Kunzite smirked faintly and flicked a glance toward his master. "We're always here to save the day. After all, the girls can only do so well."

"Just you be quiet, Kunzite!" shouted Minako.

"Temper, Temper, Sailor Venus. You might muss yourself up even more," said Kunzite, smirking more toward Minako. Minako turned bright pink and huffed at him.

However effective the generals might have been, however, the generals did not anticipate the maniacal horde turning on them with sighs and swoons. Nephrite smirked and crossed his arms in front of him. "Thought so. After all, we are the best-looking men in this series besides Prince Endymion."

"Even better still," said Zoicite, "We're better looking than even Prince Endymion."

Out of no where a female version of Zoicite latched herself onto Kunzite, knocking him to the ground. Zoicite stared in horror at the display in front of him. "What the hell are you doing?! You're me and you're all over Kunzite like a whore on dope!"

"Shut up! I'm the dubbed version of you because we're actually guys for reals and no kid wants to watch a homosexual pairing like us running around in a cartoon!" shouted Zoycite.

Zoicite twitched and held out his hand to Mamoru. Mamoru promptly gave up the Idiot Board and smacked the crap out of Zoycite while ranting. "IT'S NOT LIKE, YOU STUPID TART! HE'S MY SUPERIOR AND HE'S A DAMNED GOOD SUPERIOR, THOUGH I'M PRETTIER THAN HE IS! DON'T YOU GIVE ME LIP, YOU GOD-FORSAKEN EXCUSE OF A BITCH! I'LL HIT YOU UNTIL YOUR HEAD ROLLS! STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A POOF IN FRONT OF THE CUTE CHICK WITH THE BLUE HAIR!"

Ami promptly turned pink and buried her nose in her small, compact computer, attempting to find some way of getting the Zoycite out of there so that perhaps the story might continue on. Oh were those her socks she lost in the laundry?

"Sailor Jupiter, make shock that way," said Sailor Mercury as she pointed off to the horde to her right.

Jupiter's lightning rod came out of her tiara and she sent a bright bolt of lightning at the crowd. A rip in the air formed and Kunzite took a hold of the dubbed Zoycite and tossed her out the rip with little effort, since she was unconscious from Zoicite's beating her, and closed the rip himself. Zoicite handed the Idiot Board off to Mamoru and went back to join his comrades sides.

"Girls can only do so well, huh?" said Rei, smirking.

"Oh shut up, you girls always fail at one thing or another and have to have your pretty butts saved by the resident ditz," said Jadeite.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING 'DITZ'?!" screeched Usagi as she snatched the Idiot Board away from Mamoru and smacked Jadeite over the head with it. Rei snorted at Jadeite and crossed her arms in front of her as Usagi was hauled off of Jadeite by Mamoru.

Kunzite rubbed his face and groaned; Nephrite snorted and shook his head at their comrade's twitching form on the ground. Zoicite rolled his eyes and flipped a lock of his curled hair over his shoulder. "And you call ME immature," said Zoicite.

"No, we call you feminine," said Nephrite.

"Ladies! Stop arguing!" said Mamoru, his mouth twitching in a small smirk at Zoicite and Nephrite looking rather embarrassed.

The Sue Horde had stopped advancing, mostly due to most of them drooling at the four generals. Kunzite waved his sword in the faces of the ones in front of them and was interested when they started watching it and swaying to keep watch of it as he swung it around. "Hmph, seems they're hypnotized."

"Yeah, they're all drooling," said Zoicite.

"Probably because we're that good-looking," said Nephrite.

Jadeite remained silent, due to his being knocked out cold by Usagi so to further his commentary would make it far more ridiculous and deserves to be mocked.

Mock. Mock. Mock.

With that, the generals cleared a path with Kunzite in the lead for the sailor scouts, Mamoru and Usagi to walk through the drooling horde of Sailor Sues like the great parting of the Red Sea. Once clear, Kunzitre raised his sword to the heavens and the horde collapsed in on itself.

"The pharoh will not come after us anymore," he said.

"Oh Moses!" said Venus as she dropped to one knee to Kunzite.

Both were smacked with the Idiot Board by Nephrite. "Wrong story, you two," said Jupiter.

Rei rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Morons. They belong together."

But the universe had burped again and this time a great dark cloud came out of it. Riding on top of it was a woman with short dark violet hair and wearing a sailor scout uniform of black leather and purple satin. Her eyes opened and one was a vivid blue and the other a deep violet. She smirked and in one black gloved hand a fencing sword appeared, the head of the Egyptian god Anubis on the hilt of the blade. "Time to kill me some competition," she said. "After all, I'm…"

She stopped when she didn't get any dramatic music and threw her sword into the head of the conductor of the local orchestra. "I WANT MUSIC, DAMN IT!"

A replacement conductor jumped into place and dramatic music filtered through the air as the sailor scout struck a defiant and arrogant pose. "I AM SAILORANUBIS! I DON'T CARE ABOUT PUTTING A SPACE IN MY NAME BECAUSE THE JAPANESE DON'T DO IT EITHER!"

And with that, she started cackling madly atop her dark cloud of confusion. After all, she was the great and powerful bitch of all that is evil. Why shouldn't she cackle madly at all who shall fall at her feet? She was entitled to it!


	2. Act II

_**A/N: I played for two hours today and my mom barely talked to me more than one word. :3 I'm happy. Chewy's asleep on my bed. It makes me wonder if he's hurt from getting wedged in the door while trying to run outside before I'd notice or if he's just tired. He doesn't seem like he's hurt and I'm sure Papa would have said if he was, and I checked him myself and he didn't bitch or make hurt noises when I prodded him, so I'm just going to assume he missed me desperately and is tired.**_

_**Also, when I quickly made up an appearance for my little scout, I realized while looking up Sailor Sues that my scout looks almost exactly like a good version of Sailor Galaxia. Except she doesn't have super long hair like Galaxia, her uniform's slightly different and her eyes are like that of Gilgamesh from Fate/stay night. XD;;**_

_Act II_

Usagi and Mamoru, the scouts and the generals found themselves a nice place to rest out in the middle of no where in order to figure out a way to take back Tokyo from the Sailor Sue Horde. They noticed that the universe had burped again and saw the great dark cloud come from it, but were too tired from running to care for the moment.

"We have to find a way to get rid of all these Sailor Sues," said Makoto.

"Good luck trying," mumbled Neprite.

"You don't have to act like an outright cocky bastard all the time you know," said Makoto, glaring at Nephrite.

Nephrite looked to her and smiled very faintly. Makoto blinked at him and looked away. "You always did like to point out my bad points," said Nephrite, smirking faintly.

"That was a different me than now," said Makoto.

"I know."

"Enough flirting, you two," grumbled Jadeite as he lay on the hard ground. Both hit him over the head with the Idiot Board before sitting down again to pointedly ignore one another.

Rei eyed Jadeite disdainfully. "What in the entire universe did my past self see in you?" she said.

"My charming wit and good looks?" drawled Jadeite.

"Why on Earth would I think an ass like you is witty and good looking? At best you're just an irritating reminder of how much an idiot my past self was to even think you might be palatable," said Rei as she glared at him.

He sat up, rubbing the bump on his head from being hit with the Idiot Board and looked to her grinning with a very large and charming grin. "Because you like a guy to step on and I like it when you step on me."

Rei went bright red and set him on fire with one of her attacks before stomping off to go cool down away from him. Mamoru sighed at him as Jadeite ran around wailing and waving his arms around, fire crackling away on his arms. Ami doused the flames with her water powers before sitting back down to look at her compact computer.

Kunzite relaxed on the ground as the people around the small fire that Rei had made for them to use did their own separate things. Minako looked over at him and blushed heavily. He was certainly very handsome still, though, thankfully, on their side now since Beryl was gone. However, even normal the generals still had their personalities as they had before. This was not conducive to seeing them as actually good guys at all.

"Staring is rude, you realize," said Kunzite without opening his eyes. He smirked as he finally looked over at the flushed face of Minako. "But you're welcome to if you want. I won't stop you, princess of Venus."

"I'm not princess anymore. I'm just Minako Aino," said Minako as she looked away from him. It was really hard not to look at him and drool, especially with his demeanor.

"Fine, Minako Aino," said Kunzite, "I certainly don't mind the name change." He smirked faintly and closed his eyes again, settling back once more. Minako stared at him once more and grabbed the Idiot Board from Usagi. Then, she hit her head against it several times before handing it back.

"What was that about, Minako-chan?" asked Usagi, wide eyed at her friend.

"Attempting to get back what sanity I have left to me! Oh god, he's so sexy!" she cried.

"No crying," said everyone around.

"Shut up!"

Kunzite simply smirked devilishly at Minako's antics without acknowledging her.

Zoicite, however, found the whole thing really boring and wanted someone to pay attention to him. Ami was buried in her computer work that it irritated him. He pulled the computer from her and leaned over her, putting on his most charming smile for her as he leaned down to her face. "You've been so engrossed in this stupid little thing that I'm beginning to wonder if you like it more than being with humans."

"It's not stupid and it helped us get rid of that other Zoicite, or have you forgotten?" said Ami fretfully. "Give it back, please."

Zoicite eyed it and poked at it. It was a small blue device that was entirely handheld. When he tried to poke one of the keys it sent a shock into his finger and forced him to drop it. It disappeared in thin air then and Ami looked at him with a mix of distrust and annoyance. "If all you're going to do is pester me, then please leave. I have much more important things to be doing than to play with you."

"Oh, so you knew I wanted to play a little, eh?" said Zoicite, grinning.

Ami went pink and brought the computer screen up again and once more buried her nose into it. Zoicite eyed it like it was the demon taking what attention he was getting away from him. He once more leaned down into her face and grinned at her. "You're still trying to ignore me…"

"I am not!" gasped Ami. She then fell off the stump that she had been occupying. Zoicite chuckled and put his hands on his hips as he watched her scrambled back onto the stump and turn away from him.

Nephrite smacked him with the Idiot Board and sat back down, pulled Makoto onto his lap as he did so. Makoto put up a royal fuss, but he quelled her with a hard kiss that caused her to flush deeply. Zoicite, meanwhile, was once more on the ground with a large bump on his head thanks to the now famous Idiot Board. Usagi, meanwhile, plotted to market the board as a means of eliminating morons from the universe via natural selection.

The sounds of the Sailor Sues started to resound through the clearing that the group had made camp in. The guardian scouts surrounded their princess and prince once more as the generals looked vaguely interested in the problem at hand. However, there came a great wind that blew them over. Over their heads flew several dozen Sailor Sues to their ultimate doom of landing very hard on rocks and against trees.

When the coast was clear the group stood back up and looked around for the source of the mighty wind. A sailor scout hopped out from the tree line and landed in front of them. She had long golden hair that ended in a reddish tone to the middle of her back and bright red eyes that had cat like slitted pupils. In the middle of her forehead was gold star and on her cheek a gold star could be seen as well. Her sailor uniform was white with gold sailor flap and a pair of skirts over one another, a red one under a gold one, connected to the uniform. Her gloves went up to the middle of her upper arm and were white as her boots went up to her knees and were white. Around her ankles and wrists were circular rings of gold, each holding a bright gold star on it that made a jingling sound as she moved around. She struck a pose and pulled out a five foot tall fan that was covered in gold as well.

"Who the hell are you?" said Jadeite.

"I am Sailor Nibiru! I come every 3,600 years to uphold all that is decent in the Sailor Moon fandom!" she said and winked cutely at them. Then, she tossed the fan up into the air and it became small in a puff of a cloud before dropping down into her hand and she stowed it away into her uniform.

"Hold on, she's got to be one of those crazy Sailor Sues!" said Makoto.

"Yeah! We don't know of any Sailor Nibiru!" said Minako.

Nibiru giggled and held up a finger to them, grinning brightly at them. "That's because all your race memories are erased and covered over by false memories. After all, the Anunuaki of Nibiru created humans on Earth as slaves to mine for gold so that the planet Nibiru would have a fixed atmosphere once more! Then, they had you humans worship them as gods and thus we get Gilgamesh being part god because he was part Anunuaki!"

The others just stared at her dumbfounded. She giggled and shook her head at them. "Never mind that," she said brightly, "I'm just an extension of the writer in a super cute, Gilgamesh from Fate/Stay Night relative type, form! Even if I look like she accidentally copied me from the good version of Sailor Galaxia!"

Once more, while Sailor Nibiru seemed to gleefully just smile at them, the group stared at her with incredulous stares. Where the hell did this crazy girl come from? Once more, the zombie like sounds of the Sailor Sues cropped up and moved closer. Sailor Nibiru got a serious look on her face and winked at them before pulling the fan out and making it giant once more. "Watch this!" Then, with a huge amount of effort, she swung the opened fan and blew every single one of the Sailor Sues away with a great big wind.

The scouts, generals, Usagi and Mamoru simply stared at her still. "Why exactly are you here, Sailor Nibiru?" asked Ami.

Nibiru smiled at them, this time a genuine one that wasn't cute or blinding. "Because I want to protect ya'll from getting hurt from the big bad bitch that's in the sky. I also like to torment the Sailor Sues when they turn into a hive like this."

And cue.

The sky grew black and a cackle rang out. The cackle grew louder as a cloud of black mist lowered down just above their heads and another sailor scout leaned over, grinning insanely at them. Dramatic music played over her cackle as her personal orchestra appeared from no where and seated themselves amongst the shrubs.

"I AM SAILORANUBIS AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PUTTING A SPACE IN MY NAME BECAUSE I AM SO EMO IT HURTS!" she cackled.

Nibiru smacked her over the head with the giant fan, knocking her to the ground in front of the scouts on her face. Nibiru sat atop the black mist cloud and laughed. "Hey, cool! This is like my own personal flying carpet!"

"GET OFF OF MY EVIL CLOUD OF CONFUSION, YOU CHEERLEADER LOOKING TART!" snarled Anubis as she picked herself up and pulled out a fencing sword.

"Should we stick around to watch the fight?" asked Usagi.

"Nah, let's get out of here before they take notice of us," said Mamoru. "Kunzite, Zoicite, Nephrite, Jadeite, get those Sailor Sues out of our way."

"Yes, Master," they said and pulled out their weapons. Unfortunately, when they did so, the throng of Sailor Sues headed for them turned to squealing little fangirls and trampled them. The generals cried out in horror and agony as the girls pulled at their limbs and hair to get a small token of them. Mamoru watched in stunned silence as the scouts looked on in mild interest.

"Hey! Get your hands off Nephrite!" shouted Jupiter. "SUPREME THUNDER!" A bright flash in the dark and the sues surrounding the men were evaporated. The generals scrambled back over to the scouts and hid behind them for safety.

"We girls can't handle this on our own, huh?" said Rei. "FLAME SNIPER!" Her flame arrow shot out and took out several more of the Sailor Sues, burning them up.

"My hero!" cried Jadeite as he clung to her leg.

"GET OFF OF ME!" shouted Mars as she shook her leg to force the man off of her.

"NO!" shouted Jadeite.

Anubis had enough of the playing. She stood up and threw her hand up at Sailor Nibiru. "I've had it! Take this, you cheerleader looking bitch!" She threw her hands up in front of her and pulled them down, grinning. "JACKAL'S CRY!"

The sound of a hundred hounds howling all at once resounded around the area. The scouts, generals, Usagi and Mamoru covered their ears against it while Nibiru threw her head back and howled along with it. Sailor Anubis stared at Nibiru very hard. "HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY MAGNIFICENT NON-SUE POWER!" she shouted.

"Because I was born in the Chinese year of the dog!" said Nibiru with a broad grin before she waved the massive fan and forced Anubis to her knees.

Anubis snarled and looked to the scouts, her main target. She hated the scouts and absolutely loved the idea of tormenting them until they screamed. Such pretty screams would be very pleasurable to her happy dark world inside her mind, where all that was black and insane reigned true.

Before she was smacked over the head with the fan and forced once more onto her face.

Anubis growled and pulled herself up again, glaring at Nibiru. No matter what trick she tried, Nibiru simply countered it or blocked it with that giant fan. Therefore, the only way to stop Nibiru from ruining her happy, black, dark, super demented and sadistic plans to torment and kill the scouts and the princess and prince, she would have to kill the source first.

And the writer, who, at this point, had been tiredly plodding along and trying to keep her brain moving quickly, said, "Oh shit."

With that, she disappeared in a cloud of black and the Sailor Sues fell to sleep. Nibiru frowned deeply and put the fan away. "Sorry, guys, but it seems I'll need your help this time," she said.

The scouts destroyed the rest of the Sailor Sues that had attacked them and looked to Nibiru. Usagi blinked at the girl with big eyes. "Why would you need our help, Sailor Nibiru?"

Nibiru smiled brightly and scratched the gold star on her cheek. "Well, it looks like we're going to have to break the fourth wall because Sailor Anubis, with the space in her name, is going to kill the writer of this crackfic."

"Crackfic? What are you talking about?" asked Minako.

"Crackfic as in a work of fiction that might as well have been induced by smoking crack," said Nibiru. "Now, you lot are coming with me!" Then, she held her arms out and bright wings of white appeared and wrapped around the scouts, the generals, Usagi and Mamoru and forced them all to disappear.


	3. Act III

_**A/N: so thank ya'll for enjoying what I've written. I'll put up Lady of the Ring for ya'll as well, since I don't think I've got it up on Deviantart like I do on . **_

_**The sailor sues that I name belong to their respective owners. There's no way I could come up with them. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi cause she's awesome like that and all else is cool.**_

_**And if the girl who has Sailor Anubis bitches, it's her fault that she's that dumb to not realize just how sueish her character is anyway. Not like the canon characters themselves aren't sues, but at least it's what Naoko, the creator, wanted of them. This is aside the fact that she has no right to complain because the internet police aren't going to come to her rescue on something that would be considered copyright infringement if she were making money off of what she did to be able to make the legitimate complaint that it would require to oust my happy ass from the world wide internetz.**_

_Act III_

For a moment, all was bright white and then they were standing inside a small home with the air conditioner running. A small, gray, kitten ran past their feet as a larger, tabby spotted cat ran after it between their legs and into the front room. The computer was running with a Japanese styled drawing of Vlad the Impaler swinging a sword on the desktop. Adjacent to this room was another one with a big flat screen TV and lots of books on a bookshelf that was situated on top of a long dresser. The bed was located to the far side from the door and was messily kept with a pink patched printed comforter on top of it. A laptop was sitting on top of a red wooden briefcase and was resting on the bed as though the user had just left it there to do something.

The scouts looked around and looked to Luna and Artemis, having remembered that they were a part of their cast listing. Luna smoked a cigarette as she sat off to the side. "I really hate these pittance positions people give us, don't you, Arty?"

"Yeah, especially since we have to spend most of the time as stupid cats. Remember when we tried to get a little fun off to the side of the set when no one was paying us any attention? Sex as a cat is freakin' hard," said Artemis as he yawned.

"Luna! Artemis!" cried Minako and Usagi at once. Luna and Artemis dropped the act and went back into their respective roles, hoping up onto the bed.

"Oh, what is this place? What has happened!" said Luna.

"It looks like we've gone right into a girl's room!" said Artemis.

The rest of the group simply stared at them wondering if they should take the pair seriously anymore since they were being so unhelpful. Luna harrumphed and hopped off the bed to find the kitten and the cat while Artemis followed after her.

A woman peeked around the corner, her long, dark blonde hair pulled into a pair of braided pigtails and her bangs streaked with some sort of pink-purple color. She pushed her glasses up her nose and grinned. "Ah! I see ya'll came!" she said nervously. She wore a pair of flared jeans, a blue T-shirt and red Chinese shoes as she walked in slowly. She dropped the plastic sword she had in her hands and put it up beside the flat screen TV next to her CD rack.

"You're not surprised that we just appeared in your home in what seems to be the middle of the day?" asked Mamoru as he raised an eyebrow.

"No, cause Anubis is going to come over here if she hasn't already. Think I managed to thwart the stupid little sue for the time being by telling her that the writer was two blocks away. She believed me, or so it seems. For the moment, I need to either get into ya'll's world or have ya'll shove her back into your world. If she stays here she's going to wreak lots of havoc on not only my neighbors, but my grandparents and cats and I really would like to avoid that as much as I can," said the writer, smiling sheepishly.

"So how are we talking or even moving if you're the writer of this crackfic?" asked Ami.

Just then, a pair of men in black appeared from no where and slapped everyone with the great Fish of Illusion before hopping off onto a tiny getaway U.F.O. and disappeared back into the hyperspace hub.

"Why did you let the Sailor Sues appear?!" shouted Mamoru. "They could've killed us!"

"If they had, I would've just had ya'll come back to life again," said the writer, smiling.

"Have you no morals?! What kind of answer is that?!" cried Makoto.

"No crying!" shouted Nephrite.

"Shut up or you don't get anything later!"

"The kind of answer you'd expect from someone who's writing your dialogue this very moment!" said the writer with a gleam in her eye.

"How are you writing us if we're right here talking?" asked Ami.

Once more the Men in Black appeared from no where and slapped everyone with the Fish of Illusion and hopped away. Now everyone was properly forgetting the fact that they were in the same area as the writer and smelling particularly fishy.

"I taste fish," said Rei as she made a face.

"Forget this, we need to stop those Sailor Sues and Sailor Anubis, with the space in her name, or else all of Tokyo will be destroyed," said Makoto.

"Why is it always Tokyo? Tokyo is just one city in Japan and Japan isn't the center of the world," said Ami.

"No time to think about unnecessary things, Ami!" said Rei.

A rumble in the ground alerted them to the danger ahead. Hundreds of thousands of howls could be heard, causing the scouts, generals and the princess and prince to cover their ears. The writer snorted and gave a howl before everything stopped. "She can't stand people to mock her, so mock her with gusto," said the writer. "Go forth and take her away from this place. I'll take care of the rest."

A white pair of wings covered the characters and Sailor Anubis broke her way through the white feathers with her fencing foil in hand, screaming at the top of her lungs as she descended on the group. Kunzite pulled his own sword out and tossed the Soldier of Insanity away like a ragdoll with one swipe before the wings receded and they were back in the middle of Tokyo with the impotent phallic symbol of the bent Tokyo Tower in front of them.

Anubis pulled herself up quickly and smirked. "CLOCKWORK ORANGE!" she shouted and from the violet eye came a beam that burned right into Usagi's head. She screamed in agony as she covered her head with her hands. Mamoru shouted and was immediately dressed in his princely garb and ran at her with his sword ready. Anubis giggled as she pulled her foil up and batted Mamoru's blade around like a play thing.

The Sailor Sue horde came to life once more. All around them, like a huge mob of angry zombies, the horde closed in on them, croaking out from dry throats "Biiiishoooneeeeennnn…"

The Generals gathered their courage and ran at the Sailor Sues head first, this time to get a little of their own back from the insane fangirl squad. Meanwhile, the scouts were batted around as though they were nothing by the evil Sailor Anubis. One was locked up by a black goo that Anubis lovingly called "Embalming" while another was locked up inside her own mind and drooling.

It was as though their powers meant nothing to this beast.

And they didn't.

That was because the creator of Anubis had seen to it that she was the most powerful sailor sue in the universe and could not be defeated by any means. She had even gone to her Super form to enjoy the torment and torture. Chainmail adorned her sailor uniform and her steel gauntlets covered her arms; her tiara had widened so much that it covered her entire forehead from harm.

"You see, I'm just that awesome," said Sailoranubis, without the space, as she walked over to the Embalming Sailor Jupiter as she choked to death on the black goo slowly. "You just can't win against me, because I'm just far too powerful for you twits to even fight. I will eventually be the only Sailor Sue alive in this entire fandom and nothing you lot does will stop me." She giggled and kicked Sailor Mercury in the stomach with her foot. It was funny to watch the shy little scout take the hits so she did it over and over again until Sailor Mercury was bleeding from her mouth.

Usagi cried out from the agony in her mind to see her fellow scouts, her friends, hurt and dying. Mamoru was not far from her, but he was on the ground, blood filtering from a wound from his stomach.

"Why?!" cried Usagi. The baby inside her belly squirmed for comfort as she grew increasingly upset. This was no long a crackfic! This was now a drama and that was not supposed to happen!

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it from you, you whiny little woman!" shouted Sailoranubis.

"Why don't you shut up," said a familiar voice. Sailor Nibiru was standing with her fan, normal sized for the moment, and glaring at Anubis. "What does that bratty little brain of yours think this fandom is good for? No one gives a shit about what a dime a dozen emo-sue wants to say on the internet!"

She whipped the fan out and it became two, the second flying over her head and she caught it with her other hand. She snapped them both open and took a stance with the fans ready to fight.

"What, you're going to fight a super power like me, cheerleader?" snorted Sailoranubis. "You just don't know who you're tangling with, sweety."

"Oh, I do. I've dealt with worse in other worlds and dealt with worse in real life. After all, I am the self proclaimed extension of the writer in this world," said Nibiru, grinning. "If I were to be a real scout one day, then that would be cool, but for now I've got only one mission and it's to defeat the likes of you and these Sailor Sues."

"This isn't some Disney film of Pinocchio or something, you stupid little woman!" said Sailoranubis.

"No, it's the imagination of a Sailor Moon fan that's had enough of the Sailor Sues running amok through the fandom!" said Nibiru and spun on her heels, whipping the fans around. A great blast of wind like a brick wall smacked right into Sailor Anubis, with the space in her name, and sent her flying.

Sailor Anubis got to her feet and closed her eyes. She crossed herself and kissed her knuckles, a bight white light flashing to life around her. Nibiru snorted and combined her fans to become one giant, five foot fan and waited as the light came toward her. She grinned and pointed off to left field before taking a swing. "OH! HOME RUN!" she cried and ran off around Sailor Anubis as Sailor Anubis stopped and stared in shock at Sailor Nibiru looking like she was playing baseball.

"You're mocking me again!" she shouted. She snarled and pulled her hands to her, a ball of black goo forming in her hands and spinning, then she gave a shout and sent the ball flying at Sailor Nibiru as she slid in to "home plate". Nibiru was hit by the black goo and shot off her feet onto the ground as the sticky, noxious liquid started spreading over her.

"Now who's mocking who?" said Anubis as she strutted over with her hands on her hips. "You're not going to win. I win. Every time. Because I'm the best. You should see my fan following! I've got people who love me, where as you don't. You don't because you are not the best."

Nibiru looked up at Anubis, panting heavily from trying to struggle free of the black goo. Anubis leaned down and took hold of her hair and pulled her upward. "See, I win," she said and then cackled maniacally as she dropped Nibiru and turned on her heel toward the devastation in front of her. "It's glorious! It's glorious devastation everywhere!" she laughed.

Nibiru snorted and grinned, winking at Anubis. "You forget what world you're trying to take over. This is Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon has a trump card. A very powerful and unbreakable trump card."

Anubis looked at Nibiru and then realization dawned on her pale face. "The Silver Crystal!"

Usagi's heart glowed as the Silver Crystal appeared in front of her and glowed brilliantly. Her only hope to save not just her friends and her husband, but her baby and their future now was to summon the crystal to vanquish this vile evil thing before her. She held her hands out and let the crystal float in front of it, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'll not let you do this! I'll not let you do this everyone I love!" she cried out.

A bright white light flashed out from everywhere. Anubis watched it as it appeared and held up a hand to cover her face from the power of it, but she could not. The healing light of the crystal seemed to penetrate into her. "Damn," she muttered.

A cracking sound resounded throughout the area. Anubis shattered into a million pieces and scattered to the wind as everything else was drowned out by the light of the crystal. The personal dramatic orchestra tossed their sheets of music into the air and left, since their reason for being there was over with.

"I can't take this constant drama," said the lead violinist.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said a tuba player.

"Let's get out of here," said the new conductor.

"Yeah, let's have fish," said the violinist.

"Nah, I hate fish. Ever since being smacked by one just a few pages back," said the conductor. "Let's get some sandwiches at the local Subway."

"Are you trying to lose weight?" asked the tuba player.

"Hell no, I just like toasted subs made the way I like them!" said the conductor.

When the light died down, the sailor sues had disappeared, the scouts had gone back to themselves, Mamoru was sitting up and rubbing his stomach where he had been skewered, the generals were walking over dressed in normal clothes and blinking like they were confused as to what had occurred. Usagi smiled and fainted into Mamoru's arms as she held her belly. "Everything is going to be all right," she said.

"Yeah, everything is all right now, Usagi," said Mamoru.

And Nibiru? She stood smiling at the scouts and waved to them. "Have fun with the guys, ladies! I thought ya'll might enjoy being with them once more, since you weren't able to be with them in the past. Such a shame, really. I kinda liked the idea of you lot being together."

Then, she winked at them and struck a pose. "But don't think this is the last of me! I'll be back when I'm needed!" With that, she disappeared as though she had never been there in the first place.

Makoto and Nephrite took hold of each other's hands, Minako pointedly ignored Kunzite, though she was blushing severely, Ami tried to seem like she didn't notice that Zoicite was grinning at her and making himself look as pretty and charming as possible while Jadeite clung to Rei's leg and wouldn't let go. "No! I'm staying with you!" she shouted. "Oh, you've got nice panties!"

"SHUT UP! LET GO OF ME, YOU PERVERT!" shouted Rei.

And so that was the end of the crackfic. However, you never know when the crackfic might return to the Sailor Moon fandom. After all, the writer did enjoy writing this one.

_The End_

_Maybe…._


End file.
